It’s funny but I thought when Gordon Brown (GB) was booted out of office along with his debt denying labour dullards, there will be nothing much to write about him in the future. Well low and behold he has raised his head above the parapet these past few weeks in America. Apparently he’s on the lecture circuit over there, god knows why anyone would pay to listen to a man who almost bankrupted our country and then blamed it on a banking crisis that started in America. 

It seems that Gordon is now capable of thinking or planning more than one task simultaneously, something he was devoid of during his reign as Chancellor and unelected Prime Minister. As it turns out he is making overtures for the top job at the IMF when the present incumbent stands down. What a joke, the idea of this financial dunce getting paid £270K a year to advise and oversee the financial health of other countries. Mind you I guess he could certainly advise anyone stupid enough to listen to him about how to sell their gold reserves at rock bottom prices, steal pension funds, de-regulate banks, tax and spend till the sun freezes over. Then when it all goes wrong he can blame it on some dodgy Scot who lives in America. Some people would argue on his behalf that he stepped in and saved the world and the banks when the financial crisis hit. Mmm interesting idea, he certainly took action, bail out every UK bank with taxpayers money and spend our way out of recession. Saddle the country with enough debt to keep us busy for the next 20 years. When I say busy I mean every working person in the UK having to run just to stand still in the sea of debt created by Labour.

As David Cameron (DC) rightly pointed out this week, we really need someone competent to do this important job and a debt denier is hardly that sort of person. I think DC was far too kind with his words. I really do hope that this is the end to any suggestion that GB will be given the job. But for curiosity sake I imagined what the job interview might go like. 

Interviewer: Good morning Gordon, can I ask why you have applied for this job ?

GB: Mmmmm, sorry I am a bit nervous, you see I have never applied for a job before as I have always been handed them on Gold plates.

Interviewer: That’s okay Gordon, take your time with your answer please.GB: Look I have answered the question can we move on please, I am in a hurry as I have a speech to make to the Women’s Institute of Home Economics in 2 hours time.

Interviewer: If you are successful in getting the IMF job, you will also need to be sharp politically, for instance how would you deal with the current Libyan crisis ?

GB: Thanks for allowing me to answer this easy question, firstly I would give the Lockerbie bomber £1M as a thank you for still being alive. Secondly I would grant Gadaffi asylum in the UK and offer him all our North sea gas and oil reserves to manage on behalf of UK PLC. Problem solved.

Interviewer: But you wouldn’t have the authority to do this as you are no longer PM in the UK ?

GB: I don’t like your tone of voice and I think you are a bigot, when I get this job everyone will see that I am once again the elder statesman with the power and stature to do anything I like.

Interviewer: Okay GB let’s move on then, the distribution of foreign aid is a key part of your role, how will your strategy on this develop ?

GB: I refer you to the answer I gave previously.

Interviewer: How will you assist poorer countries combat climate change and still develop their economies ?

GB: I will give all these countries free wind farms and charge it to the UK taxpayer.

Interviewer: But Gordon will you have the authority to do this ?

GB: I refer you again to the answer I gave previously.

Interviewer: How will you prevent the boom and bust cycles of the past decade ?

GB: Just keep spending, that way we avoid the bust situation.

Interviewer: thanks GB just 2 more questions for you and we are done, firstly how do you think David Cameron is doing in the UK ?

GB: Awful I say, look at all the cuts he’s making, no stone unturned, 20% cuts across the board is no way to cut a deficit. What you have to do is apply the GB principle rule of economics and that is the 3 S’s (spend, spend spend)

Interviewer: Okay GB, last one , is there anything you would like to say or add in support of your application ?

GB: Mmmm, when do I start ? Also I just thought a nice closing statement would help convince you. Earlier this week in between speaking on the lecture circuit I found myself with a spare day to reflect, I visited this lovely animal sanctuary in Mineapolis for deserted and neglected Ostriches. You know I had to smile there was this one who didn’t show his long neck or head the whole time I was there, he kept it buried in 4 feet of sand. Oh it was both funny and sad to watch how clever these birds are at hiding themselves, I was even thinking an Ostrich suit would look very fashionable in these austere times.

Interviewer: Again thanks Gordon, I marvel at why you like these animals so much and wonder who the suit of Ostrich clothes would best fit. But I guess that’s for another day.