Shortly after announcing the creation of GBU and the addition of two dynamic nations to it Gordon went on to explain the composition of his new Cabinet sorry I mean non-Cabinet. 

With Gordon in one of his tough, getting on with the job moods he went on to explain, I have decided that it is prudent of me not to appoint a cabinet because in the end only I make the decisions and I plan to use the money saved from not having a cabinet to donate to Argentina (more about this later). As I will soon be going on holiday to Cuba and am planning a long break with Sarah I have decided that Robert Mugabe and the Greek Prime Minister will be in charge until I return in December. As this will be a working holiday I will be claiming all my expenses back from the taxpayer. 

When asked how he was getting to Cuba, Gordon said British Airways of course. MMm no Mr Brown don’t you remember British Airways (BA) is now based in China as does not fly to any GBU countries. Gordon looked a bit shocked when it was explained that during March 2010, BA Chief Executive Willie Walsh decided that with strikes, fuel duty and no expansion at Heathrow is was far better to move to China where he could get a quality workforce for a fraction of the UK costs. In a slick move throughout most of March he flew all the BA fleet via Moscow to Beijing and Shanghai. Any BA staff who wanted to remain would have to work for the same salary as their more than willing Chinese replacements. As you’d expect they are now hoping to make a new life for themselves in Zimbabwe. BA is flourishing in China and their shareholders are delighted with Willie’s daring move. However for Gordon this means the only airline left in GBU is Ryanair, all the others went bust. 

It now emerges that Gordon wants to do a deal with O’Leary from Ryanair. He will charter a jet and crew to fly him to Cuba. When it was pointed out that Ryanair only have short range 737’s he explained they will stop and refuel a number of times on the way to Cuba. O’Leary has done him an excellent economic package. This means the taxpayer is only lumbered with $250,000 for the charter of the plane (each way), $199,000 for fuel to each stopover (12) and $300,000 for a crew of 4. Gordon said he commends this package as prudent and good value for the taxpayer.  When asked how Mugabe and the Greek PM theopppppssslllls would get to the UK, Gordon smiled and said I always plan for the future and with this in mind I have chartered 2 additional jets from Ryanair at the same cost for each plus I am giving O’Leary $200,000 bonus for being so helpful. Why are we paying in $ and not GBF’s I hear you ask , mmm because O’Leary said they are not worth shit. Anyway O’Leary upped the ante again today when he pointed out that the prices he quoted did not include food, drink, toilet facilities or luggage. He was happy to quote a nominal sum of $800,000 for these additional services and when Gordon questioned him the figure rose to $950,000. Gordon caved in and offered to pay in advance.  

With Mugabe and the Greek PM (sorry can’t pronounce his name) now in London, Gordon departed for Cuba from Southend Airport. His itinerary is Southend > Manchester > Belfast > Dublin > Cork > Shannon > Canary Islands > Iceland > Newfoundland > Canada > New York > Orlando and finally Cuba.

Mugabe quickly asserts his authority in Gordon’s absence by announcing that all Gay people must carry ID cards and make arrangements to emigrate to Greece or the Falkland Islands. Not to be outdone the Greek PM additionally announced that he was holding talks with Argentina with a view to paying them $99 billion in return for a 10% share of the oil discovered off the Islands. He also agreed to pay Argentina $20,000 for each inhabitant of the Falkland Islands and also remarked that this figure would be boosted 20 fold when he introduced a new law in Greece that requires all Gay people to relocate to the Falklands. In an email from the holdaying Gordon Brown he stated he was delighted with this innovation and out of the box thinking. Gordon also added he would be meeting the Cuban President once he finally arrived their in another 14 days. In the meantime he is getting on with the job and making tough decisions about....... how often he uses the lavatory, what food to eat and which Ryanair lottery card to invest taxpayers money in.